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List of unanswered questions and plot holes in the Transformers tetralogy

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This page is an attempt (and really, it will never be anything other than an attempt because it will never be finished) to list all of the unanswered questions and plot holes that occurred in the Michael Bay Transformers tetralogy.

Transformers

  • How the hell did the Allspark get launched into space?
  • Why did the military not shoot down the pave low even after warning it repeatedly and sending harrier jets out to intercept it?
  • Why did they allow it to land on their base even after determining it shouldn't exist?
  • How did it go from bright daylight to pitch black night in the span of ten minutes at this base?
  • Why did Sergeant Epps pull out binoculars to look at a giant killer robot standing directly over him?
  • Why was his first instinct to not run for his life?
  • How did Sam Witwicky earn a B- on that joke of a presentation to his class?
  • Even more inexplicably, why did the teacher just decide to give him an A after Sam bitched at him?
  • Based on his reaction, did Bobby Bolivia know that Bumblebee caused all of the windshields and windows to shatter?
  • Why did the military dispatch naval warships to the Yellow Sea, of all places?
  • How did the group of stereotypes (and ONLY them) survive the Blackout attack?
  • Are force fields something that the Special Ops deal with on a regular basis?
  • Why did Sam's friend climb the tree and hang from it?
  • Why did Sam go to the lake party in the first place?  To have a confrontation with the douchebag jock stereotype?  Seriously, what was the end goal here?
  • Why was Sam shown to be sharp-tongued and witty in this lake scene, but never again in any other scene?
  • Why did Mikaela get pissed off at her boyfriend over a term of endearment when she was groping him literally 90 seconds earlier?  Because he wouldn't let her drive his ridiculously expensive vehicle?
  • Why did Mikaela get in the car with Sam, even after he dropped a horrendous Freudian slip?
  • Mikaela and Sam have been classmates for TEN YEARS, but she doesn't know who he is?
  • How does a fuel-injected engine have a carburetor?
  • Why did Mikaela just stomp away like a bitch when Sam asked the very logical question about why she hangs out with her douchebag boyfriend if she hates him so much?
  • How was "Baby Come Back" still playing on the car stereo even after a very long car ride?
  • How did the flight attendant not see Frenzy when it was on the back of the seat in Air Force One?
  • Who in 2007 uses a fucking boombox?
  • Why did the group of college-aged people discover that the U.S. government was being hacked before the Dept. of Defense noticed?
  • How did Frenzy walk across the heavily populated tarmac without being noticed?  Especially given that three people in the background look directly at it?
  • Who the hell would upload a picture of himself that looks like the one Sam uploaded?
  • How long was Bumblebee on Earth before he shines the Autobots' signal into the sky?
  • Why did Bumblebee take so long to alert the other Autobots of his status?
  • Wouldn't he know that his method of alerting them would put Sam in danger?
  • What in the blue hell led Maggie to jump to the insane conclusion that cyborgs were behind all of these attacks?
  • Why did Sam's dad let the asshole cop stereotype grill his son when he has absolutely no proof that Sam has done anything wrong?
  • Why did Scorponok attack the special ops survivors?  What was to be gained from attacking them when the Decepticons' end goal had absolutely nothing to do with them?
  • How was Maggie allowed to take removable media into and out of the PENTAGON???  They wouldn't check her bag when she enters or exits the most secure (in theory) building in the entire fucking country?
  • How does Sam just get back up after flipping over a bike and onto cement?
  • Why would a Decepticon transform into a giant scary robot and then ask Sam his identity?  What if he wasn't who they were looking for?
  • The Decepticons are advanced beyond any technology on Earth and can hack U.S. government computers so fast that a woman (Maggie) forgets everything she was ever taught and just randomly believes cyborgs exist...but they can't hack Paypal and just buy the glasses off Sam's eBay account?  Hacking Paypal and/or bank accounts is somehow beyond their capabilities???
  • Why is "Pretty Handsome Awkward" by The Used playing during a car chase?
  • Frenzy is able to kill two Secret Service agents in 1.5 seconds, but he has trouble with pantsless Sam Witwicky and a bimbo wielding a jigsaw?
  • Sam couldn't make it on his high school's football team, but he can kick a dense metal object from outer space dozens of yards across a factory yard?
  • No one notices a car driving on two wheels down a busy highway tunnel?
  • A three-story robot can be confused for the tooth fairy?
  • A three-story robot can be concealed by three narrow trees?
  • Is every single person in this movie series blind?
  • If the robots all learned English from the Internet, then shouldn't their speech consist of nothing but bad abbreviations, poorly spelled words and memes?  They learned perfect English from the fucking Internet???
  • Megatron crash landed to Earth thousands of years ago, so why did it take the Autobots so long to follow after?
  • How did Megatron know exactly where the Allspark crashed to Earth (to the point where he was able to imprint a perfect map to find it on Archibald Witwicky's glasses) if he crashed into the Arctic and immediately froze?
  • How was Megatron able to imprint a map onto lenses of glasses--especially primitive ones from the 1890's?
  • What, exactly, did the group learn from the piece of tail that was shot off of Scorponok?
  • Is THAT seriously how Michael Bay thinks human beings talk to each other in real life???
  • How does nobody in the neighborhood, or the Witwickys, notice the multiple giant robots walking around in the Witwickys' backyard?
  • Nobody in the neighborhood walks outside when the power goes out on a clear night?
  • What do the Witwickys do for a living that allows them to be home at all times and allows Sam's dad to pick him up from school every day in a very expensive car?
  • The parents were upset that Sam might have been locked in his room masturbating, but were okay with him being in there with Mikaela?
  • If anyone in real life was eminating 14 RAD from their body, they'd be long dead already and would kill anyone within close proximity to them.
  • Why do Sam and Mikaela get pissy at each other for not telling each other personal details about themselves when they've only been around each other for, what, two days??
  • Ironhide magnetically swipes all the weapons from the Sector 7 agents, but none of the vehicles or any other metal objects get pulled away.
  • Does Bumblebee need to be refilled with gas and oil?  If so, how would that get refilled?  How would a Transformer feel about this, anyway? Is there oil on Cybertron?  If he doesn't need oil (and clearly he doesn't because he urinated it all onto a human), then why the fuck does he have it in the first place?
  • How did Agent Simmons' jacket get dried after Bumblebee peed the motor oil on him?
  • How did Mikaela survive after she fell out of Optimus Prime's hand and landed ribcage first on his foot?
  • Optimus Prime is big enough to hold human beings in his hand, but he can pick up eyeglasses?
  • The Secretary of Defense, of all people, doesn't know of the existence of Sector 7?
  • How the hell can something be classified above "TOP SECRET"???
  • Did they bother to show the Mars rover footage to the other countries that were pointing their guns and nukes at us?
  • Why did they wait thousands of years to try to destroy the Allspark?
  • Why would expunging a juvy record be part of an extortionist demand when juvy records are automatically expunged when you turn 18?
  • How did they move the frozen Megatron to the Hoover Dam from the Arctic Circle in the 1930's???
  • Was the Hoover Dam built around the Allspark?  If not, then how in the name of all that is holy did they move the Allspark to that location?
  • How did Frenzy, who was damaged at this point, contact the Decepticons from inside a chamber beneath the earth that is under four football fields' worth of concrete?
  • Scorpions and bones exist on Cybertron?  If not, then why are two of the Decepticons named after these things?
  • Why does the Allspark create nothing but Decepticons?
  • How did Bumblebee shrink the Allspark to transportable size?
  • Frenzy decapitates itself, which kills it, even though Mikaela cut its head off earlier and it survived.
  • Frenzy, which to this point, had only spoken in Cybertronian language, says "Oh, shit!" when it accidentally kills itself.
  • While I'm thinking about it, why did Frenzy come back in the first place?  To have a fight with John Turturro, Jon Voight and the useless college students?
  • Why were the characters of Maggie, Glen and their unnamed peers even in the movie when you could have cut them out entirely and absolutely NOTHING about the plot would have changed?
  • Why did the military decide to stage a massive robot battle in a crowded metropolis instead of keeping it confined to a barren desert in which they were already fighting where no lives were in danger?  And wouldn't the Autobots have a problem with this since their thing is supposed to be protecting humans?
  • How does Bumblebee get his voice back after getting his legs blasted off?
  • How is Sam able to lift the Allspark?  Wouldn't something giving off that much radiation kill him instantaneously?
  • How does Sam survive the fall with Optimus and Megatron?
  • How does Sam activate the Allspark to kill Megatron?
  • Megatron and the Decepticons spent thousands of years trying to find something that, when he is exposed to it, destroys him?  That would be like Superman spending years to find some Kryptonite.
  • If it was that easy to destroy Megatron, then why did Optimus Prime repeatedly beg Sam to kill him with the cube?
  • Why was Sector 7 shut down?  Were they only in existence for studying Transformers?  And even if that is the case, you aren't going to keep that agency around to share information or...anything???
  • How was it shut down anyway?  And by whom?
  • Bumblebee is okay with Sam and Mikaela fucking on top of him?
  • Why didn't Starscream send out a message to all other Decepticons to come to Earth?
  • How in the hell did it take five people to churn out THIS script and screenplay?
  • There were two editors on staff for this movie???  They must have been kidnapped and/or killed a day into production because nothing was cut from this thing...

Revenge of the Fallen

  • How could primitive humans have anything resembling a fight against giant robots?
  • Why were these ancient robots not mentioned in the previous movie?
  • How did they not conquer Earth in like an hour when humans of this time had no way to put up a fight against them? 
  • Why are supposedly heroic robots going on violent missions to brutally murder Decepticons who weren't attacking anything or anyone?
  • How does the U.S. government have the budget for all of this nonsense?
  • Why is there a sign on a Shanghai street that appears to signify "No flugelhorns"?
  • Why are foreign nations with very strained relationships with the U.S. allowing American soldiers and giant robots to waltz into their territory and have gigantic, destructive battles that lead to millions in property damage and who knows how much death?
  • Why did these Decepticons that they are killing not come to the side of Megatron in the previous movie?
  • Why are there Autobots called the Arcee Twins when there are three of them?
  • Why would Autobots decide to take on the form of motorcycles?  What tactical advantage would that give them against three-story-tall robots?
  • What was the point of air dropping Optimus Prime, and why does he transform and re-transform in mid-air?
  • How did Bonecrusher and Blackout make appearances in this movie when they were both killed in the last movie?
  • What, exactly, are the humans good for in these "covert" missions?  They can't even put a dent into these robots, so what is the point of sending them into these battles where they will most likely die?
  • Optimus Prime brutally kills tons of robots now, but he wouldn't kill Megatron in the last movie?
  • What auto body shop would hire someone involved in not one, but multiple grand theft autos?  And the father of that person who was also convicted of multiple counts of the same felony?
  • Who dresses like that to work at an auto body shop?
  • Why does Sam call that shirt the "D-day shirt"?  Wouldn't "T-day" or "R-day" be more appropriate?
  • How did the shard of the Allspark stay hidden in his jacket for at least 18 months?  How did it not burn through the jacket?
  • Why is Bumblebee's voice gone again after coming back in the end of the first movie?
  • How in bloodiest of bloody hells are the robots a secret to ANYONE by this point?
  • Why does Mikaela change clothes only to change them back shortly after?
  • Sam and Mikaela have been dating/fucking for approximately two years and they have never once told each other that they love one another?
  • How did NASA not detect a gigantic satellite (Soundwave) hovering around Earth--especially when it starts tentacle-raping a U.S. satellite?
  • Why did the stupid fucking twins get "upgraded" to those tiny cars instead of into some kind of military vehicle?  Especially since they establish in the first movie that a Transformer only has to scan a car/vehicle to transform into that thing?
  • Why would a Transformer have teeth, let alone gold teeth?
  • Why would the Autobots recruit Skids and Mudflap anyway?  What did they show Optimus and the gang that impressed them to the point of allowing them into their ranks?
  • What fucking dormitory in what school contains gigantic rooms like those with Mountain Dew machines inside the rooms?
  • Mountain Dew machines cost several hundred dollars a month just to be owned and maintained--to be able to legally dispense their beverages.  How the hell can Leo afford this when he outright admits he's poor?
  • Their grand explanation of how the general public doesn't know about the Transformers is that it's "all fake"???  Seriously???  Buildings were destroyed, thousands of people died, and who knows what else happened...but it's all fake?
  • In what way, shape or form does this dormitory full of incomprehensible and focus-group-approved stereotypes resemble Hogwart's???
  • Judy Witwicky suddenly has a southern drawl...why?  And how?
  • They were selling pot brownies at the college bake sale?  With pot leaf stickers on the Ziploc baggies???
  • How/why would weed cause a person to randomly tackle another person?
  • One pot brownie has the effect of alcohol, ecstasy, speed, and meth combined?
  • Nobody on Earth notices Soundwave launching a missle pod thing towards the planet?
  • What frat party has expensive professional lighting like that, along with dancers on a stage?
  • How long was Sam expecting to be at this party, given that he had a webcam date with Mikaela?  Six minutes?
  • Why didn't Sam just throw "Alice" off of him?
  • Bumblebee drives across the entire country in the span of one day?
  • Why does Bumblebee allow Alice into the car if he knew from the start that she was a Decepticon?  He can't lock his doors?
  • How does Bumblebee spray coolant through the dashboard at Alice?
  • If the entire point of this Alice robot is to seduce Sam, then why would it get mad from being treated rudely?  IT'S NOT A REAL PERSON.
  • Alice was sent to study at Sam's college despite the fact that the vast majority of the movie is spent watching the Decepticons search for Sam.  So, why does she do anything else other than be right near Sam at every given moment?
  • Why did Bumblebee allow Alice to just walk away?
  • Why would a Decepticon (the tiny surgeon one) need glasses?
  • The Allspark revives Megatron even though it killed him the last time we saw him.
  • Why was The Fallen never mentioned a single time in the first movie--especially if he's Megatron's MASTER?
  • What the hell is going on with the Decepticon pod baby things in The Fallen's base?  What the hell are they?
  • Why, at this point, do they not just GPS Alice's location and grab Sam?  They know where he is.
  • The dean of the entire college was okay with Rainn Wilson hurling sexual innuendos all over the place during his lecture, but she gets offended at Sam's twitching and running to the chalkboard?
  • Does Mikaela's dog live at the auto body shop?
  • Decepticons (specifically Wheelie) have the capacity to find human beings attractive?
  • Sam and Mikaela didn't send each other so much as a single text since the frat party, even though Sam no-showed the webcam date?
  • Wheelie has no weapons, even though the fucking blender that got transformed into a Decepticon did?
  • Mikaela says she can't tell Sam what happened over the phone because of the open line, but the stuff about the Allspark shard was okay to be said out loud?  Soundwave didn't hear that?
  • How can Mikaela afford a plane ticket to Pennsylvania out of nowhere?
  • How in the hell did Mikaela get a metal case with heavy dense metal in it that's making noise through airport security?
  • What does "18 inches of meat" even fucking mean??
  • How did this Alice robot enroll in this college?  How did it pay for books?  Who are her roommates?  Where did she get Victoria's Secret panties?  What does it do all day when it's not chasing Sam around and why would it do anything else?  Wouldn't she be trying to accost him at 3:00 in the morning?  It has ONE JOB: find Sam.
  • Shouldn't the Alice robot crush Sam when she climbs on top of him?  It probably weighs like 400 pounds.
  • Why did Sam at no point just tell the Alice robot to get lost?  If he is in a relationship with Mikaela, shouldn't he be...loyal?  Maybe?  Douchebag.
  • How in the bloodiest of all hells did Mikaela drive to the airport, buy a plane ticket, go through security, fly from California to Pennsylvania, walk through the Pennsylvania airport, hail a cab and arrive at Sam's college all in the span of what--given what we see in the movie--could not possibly have been more than an hour?????
  • If Alice was just going to shoot at Sam in a wild chaotic attack, then why did it wait so goddamned long to do it?
  • How did the humans survive a fall (while inside a car) of over 1,000 feet into a warehouse???  If you say "the airbags", then please kill yourself.
  • Why was Sam blurting out awkward comedy dialogue when any normal person would be crying like a bitch while being threatened by an 80-foot-tall robot?
  • Why did the scene of Mikaela on the bike earlier show up in Sam's memories when he wasn't there when that happened?
  • Why did Megatron and the doctor robot need Sam when they could have gotten the information from their shard of the Allspark?
  • How did Optimus and Bumblebee know where to find Sam and his friends?
  • How do the Decepticons not catch up to Sam, who is running on foot from them?
  • How is Optimus Prime able to curbstomp three Decepticons at once (including Megatron) when Megatron was kicking his ass all over the place in the last movie?
  • What the fuck was The Fallen doing for the thousands of years Megatron was frozen in the Arctic Circle?
  • If killing Optimus gets The Fallen off Mars, then shouldn't the Decepticons' plan have been to hunt down Optimus from the get-go?  Why wasn't their plan in the first movie to just kill Optimus if it meant freeing The Fallen?
  • A giant truck is faster than a bunch of sports cars?
  • Why did Sam not just use the shard of the Allspark to bring Optimus back to life?
  • Megatron tells Starscream that it is time for the Decepticons to let the world know of their presence. To that point, Transformers have destroyed a gigantic chunk of a major metropolitan city in America, a large chunk of Shanghai, have had battles in four other continents, rampaged across a major college campus, destroyed a forest, and stomped around the Witwickys' backyard multiple times.  How in the name of Kate Beckinsale are the Transformers a secret to ANYONE?!?!?!?!?!
  • How does nobody see Megatron and Starscream standing on top of a skyscraper in broad daylight?
  • Why were the Witwickys kidnapped?
  • Why would the military think these attacks are terrorists when they've worked with the robots and have intimate knowledge about them?
  • How did only 7,000 people die in all these Decepticon attacks?
  • Leo, the conspiracy theory website owner, is surprised at hearing that they can be tracked by cell phones?
  • What kind of diplomatic solutions could possibly be used with the giant killer robots?
  • Why does Sam think Optimus is dead because of him?
  • Simmons works in a deli despite decades of what the first movie flat out said was a ludicrous government salary?
  • Despite being severed from all government work, Simmons is able to steal 75 years worth of classified government files by himself?
  • If the Frenzy head is still radioactive, shouldn't all of these people be dead by now?
  • A color film made in 1932?  Seriously???
  • Why would Sector 7 not investigate a lead on Transformers?  That was literally all they did as an organization.
  • Is Washington, D.C. suddenly located in Arizona or New Jersey now?
  • How did they make it from Pennsylvania to Washington, D.C. so quickly?  There is no way Sam would have been able to get on a plane.
  • Why would you trust Leo to do anything competently?
  • How does a giant robot age and grow a beard and need a cane to walk?  These things are, for all intents and purposes, immortal.
  • How is Jetfire able to teleport, yet none of the other robots can?
  • Why did the ancient Primes build a sun-killing device on a planet they had no intention of destroying?
  • How did the Primes not freeze on planets where their suns were destroyed?
  • How does killing suns = Energon anyway???
  • How do robots have descendants?  Do they reproduce?  Doesn't the Allspark create them?
  • If Megatron and Optimus are brothers (which Optimus says they are in the previous movie), then how is Megatron not a Prime?
  • Why is six Primes killing themselves a better idea than just killing the Fallen?  They're the only ones who could kill The Fallen, but they all commit suicide???
  • He knows where it is if he finds it??????????????????????????????????
  • If The Fallen knows exactly where the fucking Matrix of Leadership is (and has known for millenia), then why have none of the Decepticons been sent after it before now?!
  • Simmons calls in an airdrop and later, a railgun firing, despite having no clearance to do so.
  • The words "New York" are enough to allow passage through a checkpoint in a hostile foreign nation despite Sam, whom everyone in the world has seen, being in one of the cars?
  • Wouldn't you just tell her you love her at this point?  I mean, what are you afraid of?  Commitment??
  • Stars are in a different point in the sky every night, you idiots.
  • How did Lennox never get court-martialed for tossing Galloway out of an airplane into a foreign nation with no way to communicate with the locals?
  • How is Leo back up and walking around after being tazed?
  • How are these people able to survive for day in and day out in the Egyptian desert with no food, water, or supplies?
  • Starscream tells Megatron that they brought the body of Optimus to Egypt.  Megatron tells Starscream that they must have the Matrix and that they must not let Sam reach Optimus.  20 minutes earlier, Jetfire told the humans that the Matrix was never designed for the purposes of resurrecting anyone.  Why would Megatron be worried about this potential meetup?
  • For the sake of several fucks, how do Skids and Mudflap defeat the gargantuan Devastator???
  • The Witwickys were transported to Egypt for what reason?
  • How is it that Mikaela constantly looks like she left a salon despite being surrounded by explosions and falling through buildings endlessly?
  • How does Devastator not damage the sun-killing device at all?
  • What is the point of robot testicles?  Who in production could have possibly thought that was a good idea?  What does it add to the movie?
  • The navy somehow shoots a target on top of a Great Pyramid all the way from the Mediterranean Sea?
  • If this railgun is that powerful and accurate, then why has the military not poured their budget into developing more of these things?  Why are they needlessly putting human soldiers in danger?
  • 7,000 human lives are killed...fart jokes.  One college douchebag who has no problem ditching his friend in the middle of nowhere or cheating on his girlfriend is killed...the movie grinds to a slow-motion halt?  Fuck you.
  • Why would Sam go to Robot Heaven?  He is not a robot.
  • Wasn't the point of hiding the Matrix to keep it from the Fallen?
  • Wouldn't Optimus Prime be in Robot Heaven at this point?  Why didn't the Primes just revive him from the onset?
  • How is the Matrix put back together when there is no conceivable way they had all the particles of it?
  • Why does Optimus just toss away the Jetfire parts?

Dark of the Moon

  • What did Optimus Prime mean when he said that the contents of the ship leaving Cyberton would have changed the fate of the war?
  • Who shot at the rocket leaving Cybertron?  If it was the Decepticons, then who gave them the order to do this? Sentinel Prime was in cahoots with Megatron at this point.  If it was the Autobots, then that means they would have already known Sentinel Prime was a traitor.
  • Megatron crashed into the Arctic Circle thousands of years ago and was pulled out in the 1930's.  The people who were in the know at NASA and were carrying out the moonlanding mission would have already known "[they] are not alone in the universe".  Sector 7 would have known about this, at the very least.
  • Sam Witwicky, the guy who saved the world twice and received a medal of honor from President Obama, can't get a job anywhere???  He would be on a different talk show every week.  He would not be able to live a normal life even if he wanted to.
  • How the fuck does no one recognize him???
  • Why did Mikaela dump Sam?
  • Did Sam start hitting on Carly immediately after the first movie?
  • Why did Carly decide to abandon her job at the British Embassy to move in with Sam?
  • Why did Mikaela leave her dog with Sam?
  • Is it really a good idea to randomly fire missiles into an illegal nuclear site where you have no clue where anything is?
  • When did the human soldiers have time to remove their nuke suits?
  • How the fuck does Optimus Prime know about fuel rods on ships from Cybertron from thousands of years ago?  In the first movie, he stated that their entire history was recorded in the Allspark and he knew nothing of The Fallen.
  • When did that ship leave Cybertron, anyway?
  • Why is "Sweet Emotion" playing during the job interview montage?
  • Why did we need to see a montage of Sam trying to get jobs in the first place?
  • THEY ARE STILL PRETENDING THAT THE HUMAN RACE IS IN THE DARK ABOUT THE TRANSFORMERS?????????
  • How have we not heard of Charlotte Mearing up to this point if she is the top top top person in charge?
  • The leader of the Autobots was abandoning a fight that his soldiers were still fighting?
  • Sentinel Prime would be a Prime, correct? If he is a Prime, wouldn't the Fallen have known about him?  Why did Megatron not mention him during the last movie?  Would Sentinel's existence be a hindrance to the Fallen getting out of his Mars base?
  • Wouldn't his whole plan with Megatron be a conflict of interest to Megatron's plan with the Fallen?
  • What the hell does Carly do at her job?  Who dresses like that at their job?
  • Sam needed a letter of recommendation to get a mailroom job?
  • Why didn't Dylan Gould just hire Sam at his company in the first place?
  • What the hell is Megatron feeding the mini-Decepticons?  Decepticons have to eat???
  • Why is he yelling at a bunch of National Geographic stock footage?
  • His upper part of his head is injured here despite it being his jaw getting ripped off in the previous movie.
  • What mail clerk wears a button-up shirt and tie to work and has a desk?
  • What happened to Leo?
  • Carly has never owned a car, even though she worked for the British Embassy?
  • What business would make their employees go back to work after one of them fell out of a 20th story window to his death?
  • The Laserbeak attack on the office building never makes the news?
  • How would the Fallen not have known about Sentinel Prime?
  • Why would you not let Sam assist with the Autobot missions or at N.E.S.T. in any way?  Yes, he's a complete and utter tool, but he has saved the world twice, idiot.
  • Why would they let him take Bumblebee home with him?  What good does that do anyone?
  • How has Simmons been allowed to write this book and go on TV to promote it? Wouldn't the government be keeping stricter tabs on Simmons than nearly anyone in the country?
  • How the hell did Bill O'Reilly get Simmons' psychological profile?
  • Simmons got rich from writing one conspiracy book???
  • Why do Sentinel and Optimus have this scene with each other?  What is the point?
  • Why would Sentinel refuse to take the Matrix of Leadership when it is literally being handed to him???  Isn't that the most powerful artifact in existence?
  • What happens to the Matrix after this scene?  It's never seen again.
  • What was Sentinel fleeing from in the opening scene?
  • Why does Bruce Brazos go to Sam's apartment?  What is the point of this???
  • The company Bruce and Sam worked for had no insurance?  Did it just disappear into the ether and cease to exist?
  • Carly was just fine having guns shoved in her face and arguing with Mearing in government buildings, but now she's pissed at Sam for wanting to help the Autobots?
  • Now that we're thinking about it, when Sam was in Robot Heaven in the last movie, wouldn't the Primes have told him about Sentinel Prime being a villain?  And even if they didn't, wouldn't the Allspark have given him this knowledge when it was swimming around in his head?
  • Is Carly Superwoman?  How did she just rip the leg off that stuffed bunny?
  • Does everyone in the Transformers universe have a secret basement?
  • Why is Mearing surprised when Sam says the Decepticons have hundreds of pillars?  Sentinel told them this days ago.
  • Why doesn't Sentinel just incinerate Mearing when she yells at him after his heel turn?
  • Sentinel struck a deal with Megatron...when?  And how?
  • Sentinel and Megatron are the leaders of their respective factions.  Why would they have to meet in secret in another fucking galaxy when they could just tell all the robots to stand down???
  • Did they make this deal during the war of Cybertron?  When did the war take place?  It would have had to have been thousands of years ago.
  • Why did Megatron go after the Allspark when he was supposed to be meeting with Sentinel?  Why wouldn't they just have stayed on Cybertron and enjoy the fruits of their alliance?
  • When did Megatron become subservient to the Fallen?
  • Why would you have a comedy scene immediately after the heel turn by Sentinel Prime where he murdered Ironhide?  Does Michael Bay not understand what the word "tone" means?
  • Assuming all this was actually their plan, then how did they expect to get Sentinel Prime back from the moon when they murdered Optimus in the previous movie?
  • Why didn't they decide to meet on the moon?  Why Earth in the first place?  There are trillions of planets out there.
  • How did all of these Decepticons get lodged in the moon?  They couldn't have been in the ship because that is an Autobot ship.
  • Why does Sentinel spare Optimus' life?
  • Shouldn't Dylan have been killed after he delivered Sam to them?
  • Why did none of these human collaborators come to the aid of any of the Decepticons in the previous two movies?  Especially since this movie establishes that they've been in cahoots with the Decepticons for 40 years?
  • They have Energon detectors but they can't detect the evil watch on Sam's wrist?
  • What are Earth's natural resources going to do to rebuild Cybertron?  Even if they took the entirety of Earth's resources, there is no way it would even put a dent into the necessary amount of shit they would need to rebuild that stupidly big planet.
  • There was an alliance with the Autobots that was public knowledge even though no one knows who Sam is?
  • No one would fillibuster this decision to end the "alliance"?
  • Why the fuck would the Decepticons let Sam live???  He has not only outlived his usefulness, but on a personal level, he has thwarted their plans TWICE.
  • If the Decepticons actually do need humans as slave labor, then why are they just vaporizing everyone?
  • Sam's plan, assuming all the Autobots were dead, was to just blindly run into Chicago, which was overrun with evil robots, just to get his girlfriend?
  • Thousands of human lives were allowed to be sacrificed by the Autobots for the element of surprise, which Optimus doesn't even utilize?
  • If they are "taking the battle to them" in this movie, then what the fuck were they doing in the beginning of the last movie?
  • Why does Sentinel just arbitrarily beat the shit out of Megatron on top of that building?
  • Sentinel is showing he is stronger than Megatron, so why did he need to resort to an alliance with him?  And given how much of a bitch Megatron is made out to be in this series, how was his side winning the war???
  • Why did the Decepticons need a human to tell them the Autobots were back when they were fighting across the street from them?
  • Why are the wrist shooter things called "Boomsticks"?  They shoot Scorpion spears.
  • JESUS CHRIST, HOW THE FUCK IS THIS BUILDING STILL STANDING?!?!
  • AND IT FELL ONTO ANOTHER BUILDING, WHICH REMAINS UPRIGHT???
  • The grand decapitator of Decepticons is held up by wires for 20 minutes of movie runtime?
  • How is Cybertron being that close to Earth not fucking up the gravitational field of the planets?
  • Why is Cybertron brought into our atmosphere in the first place?  What is the point of this???
  • Wouldn't they have already been gathering Energon to revive Cybertron long before now?  Why is this just now on their to-do list?
  • Is Sam Bullseye?  He shoots a spear directly into Starscream's eye.  He then blows up his head.
  • What was Starscream's point for being in any of these movies?
  • Why do Transformers fans like these movies, again?  Do they enjoy watching these longtime Transformers characters get ruined by Michael Bay?
  • What the hell happened that caused the Autobots to get captured so quickly?  Literally one minute ago, they were with the soldiers.
  • Dylan has authority to commands Soundwave to do things?
  • Why weren't the Decepticons already firing on Optimus?
  • Dylan reactivates the main pillar by...slapping it?
  • Optimus Prime, the great and noble hero of the Autobots, shows his gratitude to Megatron for saving his life...by giving him the Sub-Zero spine rip???
  • He then decides to shoot Sentinel Prime, his father figure and mentor, and finish him off as he lay on the ground, completely helpless, begging for his life.
  • HOW CAN YOU CHEER FOR THIS ASSHOLE???
  • A handful of Autobots defeated thousands of Decepticons by themselves?
  • It takes three movies to kill Megatron in the simplest way possible...with one arm???
  • How can anyone in their right mind like any of these movies when there is literally NOTHING fun about them???

Age of Extinction

  • Why did the organic lifeforms that created the Transformers come to Earth to begin with?
  • Since they arrived 65,000,000 years ago, wouldn't they have just turned the entire planet into a giant space metal Aggro Crag if their plan was to turn everything into their elemental metal?
  • Furthermore, since it is assumed they killed off the dinosaurs by incinerating them and fucking up the surface of the planet, then how did humans ever come to exist?
  • Why did they leave Earth without finishing the "cyberforming" of the entire planet?
  • Why were we told in Revenge of the Fallen that the Ancient Primes were the first aliens to visit this planet when these aliens were?
  • Where did that giant metal dinosaur come from?  It wasn't in the establishing shot that first showed us the Arctic.
  • Why did Tessa's friends not drop her off at her house instead of leaving her by their mailboxes, which are like 15 miles from the farmhouse?
  • How did no one notice Optimus Prime (a giant broken-down truck) inside this movie theatre for five years?
  • How did he get inside there in the first place?
  • Why would a guy sell the broken down Optimus truck for $150 when there has to be thousands of dollars worth of scrap metal there?
  • Why would Cade Yeager, a broke inventor, buy a broken down big rig?  He isn't a mechanic and there was no reason to think he would ever be able to make anything out of that pile of crap.
  • If Cade and Tessa are so poor, then how can they afford a closet full of boots for Tessa, along with apparently godlike, no-lag, wi-fi Internet in the middle of Texas farmland?
  • How the hell did only 1,300 people die in the Battle of Chicago, when the city was utterly destroyed?
  • What constitutes "suspicious alien activity"?
  • Why are they announcing that any ties with the Transformers are severed, when this already happened in Revenge of the Fallen and Dark of the Moon?
  • Why would the Israelis and Japanese sell alien tech to the Russians and who knows who else?
  • Why does Harold Attinger have a deck of playing cards with Transformers on them?  This means they either had a marketing and licensing agreement with the robots, or he went to a Kinkos one day and asked them to make him a deck of playing cards with the robots' faces on them.
  • Why would Attinger be explaining his plan out loud to this group of people when this plan has been in operation for a considerable time already and all of the people who would have needed this information would have already known it months before this point?
  • What space-age version of Skype did Tessa and Wankstain have to where there was zero lag and a 1080p-quality picture?
  • If Cade seriously thinks he can get $150 for a Discman or an 8-track player, then perhaps he should go on Storage Wars because he's as delusional as all of those fuckers.  Perhaps more so.
  • Cade steals power from his neighbors, doesn't pay his mortgage for half a year, and assaults someone's car with a baseball bat, but never gets arrested.
  • So, Attinger hates all Transformers...but he makes a deal with Lockdown, a Transformer, in order to get their elemental metal, Transformium, so that Joshua Joyce can mass produce artificial Transformers???
  • Why are they using heat-seeking technology to find Transformers?  What happened to the Energon detectors?
  • Why would highly trained black ops soldiers use mortars on a boat that their fellow soldiers are walking around on and with one of their helicopters hovering right above it?
  • So, the bad guys hate evil Transformers, so they got the help of the good Transformers (in Dark of the Moon) to destroy the evil Transformers, but they accidentally knocked over some buildings (I guess that's why they're mad at them?), so they got a neutral Transformer to help kill good Transformers, who will ultimately be needed to kill the evil Transformers.
  • Why did the Autobots not at any point try to contact the President of the U.S.A., or any other world leader to get their help against this rogue CIA asshole?  Attinger could have conceivably started the third World War because the Autobots are allies to more than just the United States.  Why was none of this brought up?
  • Speaking of which, a rogue CIA leader is the most powerful man in the world???  We know checks and balances are completely ignored nowadays anyway, but seriously???
  • Was putting a backwards cap on Mark Wahlberg in that picture the best they could do to try to make him look 19?  Because he looked 30.
  • How the fuck did it take SIX MONTHS of Cade not paying his mortgage for him to be evicted?  If I didn't pay mine for two months, I'd be out on the street.
  • Would the government have paid $25,000 to the kids playing baseball nearby if they reported Lockdown?  If not, then wouldn't their plan have been exposed?
  • James Savoy lost a sister in the Battle of Chicago, but he tells someone to hold a gun to Tessa's head in front of her father???  FUCK. YOU.
  • By the way, Savoy despises Transformers even more than Attinger and yet, he works with Lockdown on black ops missions.  If he has such a personal stake in this thing that he is apparently a robot racist, then why would he ever agree to work with Lockdown?
  • Why did they slow-mo on Savoy doing things as simple as turning his head and moving his hand?  Isn't this piece of shit movie long enough on its own?
  • There is no conceivable way that Attinger and company would ever get away with this shit.  Holding a gun to the head of a 17-year-old girl and her father (and another random guy) while having no legal right to be on their property and vocally threatening to kill all of them would be caught on video by someone and these morons would all be imprisoned forever.
  • What was Shane doing in the middle of the farm field in his rally car?
  • How does an Apache chopper not hit a broken-down big rig going 40mph tops?
  • How did the Goof Troop get from a corn field to a busy highway?
  • Who fires "warning shots" with a CHAIN GUN???
  • Why would the black ops soldiers be told to fire "warning shots" anyway?  They were going to kill all of them five minutes ago.
  • Who placed these ramps in the building and on the ground below?  Why would anyone attempt a stunt so foolishly dangerous?
  • How did Attinger get to Savoy's location in what couldn't possibly have been more than an hour?  He was in Washington, D.C. while all that bullshit was going on.
  • If Attinger isn't worried about the Yeagers going to the cops or feds, then why is he worried about their story falling apart?
  • Mark Wahlberg, who can't even be arsed to fake a Texan accent, mocks someone else for not having a Texan accent?
  • How fucking creepy do you have to be to carry an "I'm allowed to bang underaged girls" card in your fucking wallet???
  • No father worth a damn would EVER allow ANYONE to disrespect his daughter or him like Shane does.  The second this fuckhead said anything about making out or banging one's daughter, a real father would beat the everloving dogfuck out of this asshole.
  • Why did they have all of this disgusting bullshit in the movie in the first place?  Why did Michael Bay not just make Tessa 18 years old and leave all of this garbage, which has no bearing on the "plot" at all in the first place, out of the movie entirely???
  • Tessa apparently doesn't know how Romeo and Juliet ended and just wants to get wasted, but she bemoans not getting scholarships?
  • Where in the bloody blue fuck did Cade find all of this equipment in an abandoned gas station off some desert highway???
  • Why did Optimus Prime say that he had to find the Autobots to heal him when he just healed himself by randomly copying another truck?
  • If all Optimus had to do was copy another vehicle to heal all of his wounds, then why did he at no point copy another vehicle to heal himself?
  • If copying another vehicle heals all of a Transformer's wounds/battle damage, then WHY DOES BUMBLEBEE'S VOICE STILL NOT FUCKING WORK??????????
  • While I'm on the subject, does anyone find the Bumblebee voice thing funny anymore?  I mean, seriously, it's been four fucking movies.  The joke wasn't even funny in the first movie.  It is BEYOND tired now.
  • Where did HoundCrosshairs, and Drift come from?  And why were they not helping the Autobots in the previous three movies?
  • Are samurai a concept on Cybertron?
  • Why did Optimus Prime not take the footage from this spy drone to the President? How would Attinger ever be able to counterargue this evidence?
  • Optimus vowed never to kill humans?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Chicago, which was utterly obliterated, was completely rebuilt in five years?  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...
  • Darcy says she says this metal killed the dinosaurs, but she can't say how or why.  Um...what?
  • This metal has been on Earth for 65,000,000 years and no one has discovered it to this point?
  • Joshua Joyce says that he can program Transformium to do whatever he wants, but when he morphs it into a speaker and a handgun, he's just holding it in his bare hands.  Is this shit controlled telepathically?
  • Who lit all those fucking candles in that building they were staying in?  And why?
  • Why are the KSI marketing people advertising the Stinger robot in their own building?
  • How were Cade and Shane allowed to get into that building?
  • Why did Joyce not question why Bumblebee and Shane were in the building?
  • Why would Joyce info-dump to Attinger when he already knows every single facet of their plan? There is absolutely no reason they would ever have this conversation in this situation.  Message to Michael Bay and Ehren Kruger: you are in a visual medium--don't tell us story details through lazy-ass exposition.  SHOW US.
  • Attinger's ultimate goal is money???  He's the head of the goddamned CIA!!!
  • Why was there what looked like snow in that lab?
  • What did Cade hope to acomplish by sneaking into that laboratory?
  • Attinger says he is trying to stop another alien war, even though he is actively engaged in a war with the aliens to create new robots.
  • Attinger says that Cade can possibly go back to his home even though it got blown the fuck up.
  • What authority does Attinger have to take over a private company's operations like that?
  • There is no way in any plane of reality that the humans would have survived flying through a truck like that--even in Optimus' hands.  Also, one of them bounces off of something.  Great CG work, fucknuts!
  • Cade and Shane jumped out of Optimus' cab, even though Tessa was situated between them.  Way to leave the girl to die, assholes.
  • Where did the driver of that white SUV go?
  • Why does Lockdown use a net to pick up the SUV and Optimus when he uses a gigantic electromagnet later?
  • Is "This isn't an attack" seriously all it would take to cause the military to stand down and the President to not further question why there's a giant spaceship over Chicago?
  • Why would robots have googly eyeballs?
  • How did this super secret plan ever come to fruition?  How did Attinger ever originally get in contact with Lockdown?  Why would Lockdown ever agree to this plan when he doesn't really need the humans in the first place?  And once he has Optimus, why would he give away a Seed?
  • If Attinger is entrusting Lockdown to uphold his end of the agreement, with Attinger being dishonest and deceptive, who's to say Lockdown wouldn't say "fuck you" and abandon all the human conspirators anyway?
  • How would humans, who are like a tenth the size of these giant robots, ever be able to traverse this ship?  They wouldn't be able to reach any door panels or climb anything.
  • Why would there be a weapon of human size in this gargantuan ship?  And how the fuck would Cade know how to operate it?  Wouldn't the recoil on a gun designed for robots cause Cade to fly about 100 yards backwards?
  • How does this sword/gun have infinite ammo?
  • There is no fucking way anyone would be able to walk along cables suspended thousands of feet above Chicago.  Besides the dizziness, the wind would knock you off in like 4 seconds.
  • How can the humans even hear each other up there with the wind howling in their faces along with a gigantic spaceship right behind them?
  • How is Attinger supposed to explain this alien robots fight going on through Chicago to the President?  Especially when he JUST SAID that it wasn't an attack?  If he lived, was he never going to be questioned at all about this?
  • The humans survive flying through the ceiling of a tunnel and pavement?
  • Is there a director with worse comedic timing than Michael Bay?
  • At this point in the movie, why would anyone want to root for Cade or any of these other assholes?
  • How the hell did Lockdown miss an entire portion of his ship detaching?
  • Dozens of innocent people being murdered is a "fiasco and an embarrassment"?
  • Didn't the Autobots trash the fuck out of that laboratory like two hours ago?  How has it been cleaned up so quickly?
  • Brains didn't think that revealing this information about Decepticon heads and Megatron infecting the Transformium was more pressing before this?
  • What the fuck happened to the Matrix of Leadership?  Why aren't they using it at this point?
  • How many times has Optimus lost his faith in humanity at this point?  Like four?
  • The Earth was not destroyed, contrary to what Optimus says.  If it had been, none of them would be there!
  • How the hell did Earth survive this terraforming anyway?
  • What the hell happened to these organic aliens after they dropped Seeds on the Earth's surface?  Why did they not finish the job?  If the creators of the Transformers came to Earth 65,000,000 years ago, then why (or how) did the Ancient Prime comes to Earth 15,000 years ago?  How did humans ever come to exist?
  • Wouldn't Earth just be assumed to become Cybertron-2?  Why were all of these motherfuckers leaving Cybertron to escape the war when, by this point, Earth should have already have been populated for millions of years by robots?
  • If these dumbass aliens had just terraformed Earth and later given it to one of the warring factions, then the War of Cybertron would have ended and none of these stupid goddamned movies would exist.
  • Why would Su Yueming look happy to see Galvatron in China?
  • Why would Joyce exposition to Su about his plan and show this PowerPoint when she would already know his plan?
  • Isn't it peculiar that Optimus never once mentions Sam Witwicky?  Wouldn't he be more concerned about his location than any other human being?  Wouldn't they seek him out before any of this shit happened?
  • If you are Attinger, then why would you not go after Sam?
  • Optimus losing faith in humanity makes absolutely no sense because he has seen Sam's heroism multiple times, AND he brought Optimus back from the dead!
  • Why in the blue fucking bejeezus would you, as Cade, EVER entrust your daughter to Shane, of all people?  He is a goddamned creep, he treats Tessa as a sex object and never once shows any feelings of true love towards her, and he has bitched out multiple times.  He is quite literally one of the last people this father should ever entrust her safety to.
  • What the fuck brought on this change of heart anyway?  Cade hates Shane (and rightfully so).  And Shane has done nothing to give him any reason to feel like he is worthy of his child.
  • How likely is it that Shane and Tessa will stay together anyway?  This guy looks like he'd cheat on her at the drop of a hat when the next 17-year-old slut catches his eye.  And as far as Tessa goes, she had no mother figure and has major league daddy issues.  She is going to probably fuck untold amounts of scumbag men in her life because she had such a fucked up childhood.  These two have no future together.
  • Where did Cade get Joyce's personal cell phone number???
  • Joyce has a heart because he's an inventor?  WHAT???
  • Do Attinger or Joyce have the power to institute an entire armed force?
  • Was becoming the head of the CIA part of Attinger's get-rich-slow scheme?
  • Hong Kong is the 9th largest city in China--not even close to the largest city in the world, which is where Galvatron said he needs to detonate the Seed.
  • How did these people drive from Beijing to Hong Kong in a matter of what--a couple hours?
  • Does Michael Bay think that every random person in China knows martial arts?
  • How does Attinger know that the Autobots are in that spaceship above Hong Kong?
  • How does Galvatron know that the Autobots are in that spaceship above Hong Kong?
  • Cade visibly gouges Savoy's eye out, but in the very next camera shot, it's perfectly fine.
  • Why would these new robots have to climb a building when they've been shown to have the ability to hover morph wherever they want to go?
  • Why has the Chinese military not intervened to stop Attinger and his goons from operating where they have absolutely zero jurisdiction?
  • Defeating Grimlock caused him to follow Optimus' commands?
  • Why would Optimus ride him into battle when he has rocket boosters?
  • What happened to that frozen metal dinosaur in the Arctic?
  • Hound runs out of ammo, but Cade's sword/gun never does?
  • Why would Optimus tell the humans to take the Seed to the hills when he could more easily and quickly take it anywhere?  He could fly up into space and hurl it into the sun.
  • How did Attinger just happen to be where Optimus and Lockdown wind up fighting???
  • How is Attinger not blown into 10,000 charred pieces when Optimus shoots him?
  • Optimus was killed via being impaled in Revenge of the Fallen, but gets impaled here and lives.
  • Cade blocks Lockdown's physical attacks with his human bodily strength?  TWICE???
  • Tessa saying that Cade was always the hero is some of the most disingenuous bullshit in cinematic history.  At no point in the movie did she show him any respect, and in fact, blamed him for pretty much everything that went wrong.
  • Why would Optimus yell, "HONOR TO THE END!" while stabbing someone in the back?  Don't those two things kind of contradict each other?
  • Shouldn't Joyce be preparing to serve eleventy billion years in prison since he was an accomplice to mass murder on two different continents?
  • Optimus thinks releasing the Dinobots into the wild is a good idea...why?
  • Despite being the backbone of the entire marketing campaign of the movie, the Dinobots got like 15 minutes of screen time, tops?
  • Why would Optimus have never used his rocket boosters to this point?

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