Wow, in hindsight, this script really sucked.

The Joker is the main villain in the 1989 Tim Burton Batman film. He is played by Jack Nicholson.


  • Killed Bruce Wayne's parents
  • Fuck right off
  • The movie explicitly states that the events in it all took place over a week. Therefore, IN ONE FUCKING WEEK, he:
    • Gets dunked in the acid tank
    • Somehow makes it out of the acid tank and gets to a surgeon that's probably under the mob's employ
    • Gets plastic surgery
    • Wakes up the next night (with no scars at all) and stumbles out
    • Makes it back to Carl Grissom's penthouse and kills him
    • Fucks around and waits for Grissom's squeeze to come home
    • Meets with the rest of the mob bosses and tells them he wants to run Gotham into the ground
    • Kills the one guy out in broad daylight in front of City Hall
    • Broadcasts a TV commercial
    • Gets cars painted green and purple for his gang
    • Creates the Joker toxin, contaminates millions of individual toiletries and personal hygiene products with it, and markets and ships it out to the entire city
    • Goes to the museum to deface all the artwork (and by the way, anyone who says this movie isn't campy is either a fucking moron or willfully blind) and accost Vicki Vale
    • Goes to accost Vale again, this time at her apartment where he shoots Bruce Wayne and then, inexplicably leaves for some reason
    • Has the parade where he tries to kill everyone
    • Goes up to the top of the cathedral and does whatever the fuck he does up there
    • Plummets to his doom
  • In other news, this movie has plot holes you could drive a Sherman tank through
  • In other other news, this is one of the most dated and poorly aged movies in cinematic history

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