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Jacob Black

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JacobBlack

Jacob Black is a minor character in the 2008 film, Twilight, the real protagonist of the first sequel, New Moon, and a full-fledged major protagonist? in the other three sequels, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn I and II.  He is played by Taylor Lautner in all of them.

General FactsEdit

  • The very definition of a "third wheel"
  • Really, it's amazing that this guy wound up with a "team" of fangirls because it was blatantly obvious to anyone with a brain stem that Bella was always going to crawl back to that creepy fuckhead, Edward Cullen, and leave him firmly in the friend zone
  • This doesn't stop her from using him at every opportunity she gets
  • Considering the sheer amount of cock-blocking abuse he's put through in later movies, can be debated for real protagonist status of the entire series even despite his idiocy later on

TwilightEdit

  • Sports a horrible wig that makes him look like Tommy Wiseau
  • Is so minor a character that he is in only three scenes for about four total minutes

New MoonEdit

  • Becoming a werewolf apparently causes him to gain 20 pounds of muscle, cut his hair, get a tattoo, wax his chest, become good at parkour, and develop an allergy to shirts
  • Is utterly used by his supposed best friend the entire movie and she never shows even one ounce of remorse for it
  • Despite having more screen time in this one, still had about as much impact on the plot

Eclipse Edit

  • Continues to try and destroy the relationship between Bella and Edward
  • Is constantly shirtless
  • Manages to have such a hard face, that it sprains Bella's hand when she punches him.
  • Victim of total character assassination because he was making Edward look like the shithead he is, and Stephenie Meyer couldn't stand that her imaginary vampire lover was looking bad
  • Foreshadows the imprinting bullshit found in the next two movies
  • Gets almost crushed to death by a vampire newborn
  • Somehow has half his bone structure reset

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