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Twilight is a 2008 supernatural fantasy/romance film--the first in the absurdly popular Twilight franchise.

It is notable for taking a gigantic, steaming shit all over vampire lore, as well as its utterly insane fangirls that easily trump the Saw franchise's and the Transformers franchise's for most rabidly apologetic film fanbase in all of existence.

At the time of recording, it also obliterated the record for most Courtneys ever seen in a Tiradesverse movie, previously held by Birdemic. (This record has since been broken numerous times.)

PlotEdit

80 minutes of stalking, staring and mouth-breathing, followed by 35 minutes of stalking, staring, mouth-breathing, and frantic driving.

Notable CharactersEdit

The EpisodeEdit

ScoresEdit

James - Belladonna

Damien - "O"-face

Hannah - Ennui

HighlightsEdit

  • Bella smells like a peanut butter and banana sandwich left on the dashboard of the car all day
  • The stuffed armadillo is more enthralling than Bella
  • The discussion of the Bella perfume that actually exists
  • "Hey, do you want to smell like dirt fucked by a hobo? Try patchouli!"
  • Hannah gives a rather blunt, but truthful summation of the Eric character
  • Mormon fuck fantasy
  • Damien ponders what the hell anyone would write about Bella in a school newspaper
  • Hannah sings a little Katy Perry
  • James loses his shit while talking about one of Bella's pointless voiceovers
  • She didn't know what the rapists were thinking about?!?!
  • The Cullens see themselves as vegetarians because they only survive...on animals...
  • Charlie has the only funny moment in the movie
  • Thunder baseball
  • Twilight dildo...?
  • "I did this to a duck once."
  • "With ducks, this is appropriate."

ReferencesEdit

Tiradesverse tropesEdit

  • Protagonists? - Bella, Edward, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper
  • Real protagonist - Charlie
  • Center of the Universe - Bella, on the most epic level ever seen in cinema
  • Courtney - Victoria, Laurent, Emmett, Jasper, Billy, Mike, Tyler, Jessica, and Eric
  • Amber - Esme, Angela
  • Unnecessary voiceover - repeatedly
  • SYMBOLISM!!! -
    • The half-assed attempt at foreshadowing with the opening voiceover
    • Edward catching the apple in the lunchroom
  • Box of kittens - James
  • Clusterfuck Syndrome
  • High School High
  • Walking Pile of Sad - Edward
  • Plot convenience -
    • Every single time Bella or Edward stare at each other, the other one will always look up at them as if they knew the other was staring
    • Edward zooms into the parking lot to save Bella from being raped just in the nick of time
    • Bella and Edward hurriedly drive by a diner as all of Bella's school friends leave (in slow-motion) just so the filmmakers can try to fool us into thinking Bella gives two shits about any of them
    • "Bella, you fell down two flights of stairs and through a window and broke your leg.  We'll completely ignore the fang wounds on your wrist, though."
  • Individual villain introduction
  • MacGuffin Disease - The vampire "venom" that infects Bella's body at the end
  • Instant Love - Duh.
  • Needlessly cryptic - Anything involving the discussion of vampires before Bella finally finds out about Edward

Ending songEdit

Animotion - Obsession04:02

Animotion - Obsession








Before and AfterEdit

Previous episode: Episode 33 - Godzilla (1998)

Next episode: Episode 35 - Yor, the Hunter from the Future

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